sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
