they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
