Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
