I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
me + whiskey = a bad person
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
