david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
