I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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