Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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