woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my being single is dangerous.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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