we have pet lesbian snakes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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