I look better un-naked...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
