Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
