I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
