I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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