Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
