): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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