found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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