his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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