He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
