i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
