Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
