I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
