You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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