I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
