I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
