i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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