I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
