12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
