I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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