I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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