I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
