Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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