i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Holy shit dude........stairs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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