i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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