I will die if light touches me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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