genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
