so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
