Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
