There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
