She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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