wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
