there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love accidental penises.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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