I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
