Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
