I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
