he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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