True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
