Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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