At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
