just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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