i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
